Snark-fest: Coupons

In general, coupons make an incredible amount of sense. For one thing, they encourage people to go into the store to save $1.50 on Lutefisk scented shampoo, then have the chance for getting the customer to make impulse buys like 100 yards of string, toenail clippers, a bird cage, a bowling ball, and a manual on Building Rudy-Goldberg Machines: For Dummies. To this extent, they’re a real world example of the story in If You give a Mouse a Cookie, only it works in favor of the giver.

Save-Now coupons, on the other hand, make no sense even in the deepest, darkest corner of the 5i-th dimension. The entire point of normal coupons is dismissed by simply sticking it to the side of the box. Only one works on a given item, so collecting them to use en masse makes no sense. On top of that, they often evade the notice of people, so their primary purpose in existence is lost. In effect, Save-Now coupons are IQ tests that give the people who fail them a special discount. Is it a coincidence that America’s average IQ has been going down while being surrounded by Save-Nows? I think SO.

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